A Life Preserver for Your Family During a Financial Crisis
This is part of an ongoing retelling series on The Commercial Real Estate Tsunami: A Survival Guide for Lenders, Owners, Buyers, and Brokers by Tony Wood (ISBN: 978-0-470-63637-4, John Wiley & Sons, 2010), with a foreword by Matthew Anderson.
Previous post: How to Ride a Tsunami with Expertise
This chapter surprised me. In a book about commercial real estate debt, loan modifications, and brokerage strategy, Chapter 11 is about your family. Your mental health. Your relationships. And honestly? It might be the most important chapter in the whole book.
Written by Donna Wood, a psychotherapist, it addresses something that most business books completely ignore: the human cost of financial crisis.
The Part Nobody Talks About
When your income drops or disappears, the stress doesn’t stay at the office. It follows you home. It sits at the dinner table. It keeps you up at 3 AM. And if you don’t deal with it head-on, it starts eating away at the relationships that are supposed to keep you grounded.
Donna Wood makes a point that stuck with me. When things go wrong at work and money gets tight, the natural reaction is to turn inward. Work harder. Stay quiet about how bad things really are. Try to fix it yourself.
But your family already knows something is wrong. They can feel it. The tension, the distraction, the short temper. Silence doesn’t protect them. It just forces them to make up their own scary stories about what’s happening.
Open the Lines of Communication
The first piece of advice is simple but hard: talk about it. Actually sit down and tell your spouse, your family, your close friends what’s going on. Not in a panicked rant. In a calm conversation with some ground rules.
No interruptions. No blaming. Reflect back what the other person said to show you actually heard them. The goal isn’t to solve everything in one conversation. It’s to connect emotionally so you’re not carrying everything alone.
When we feel understood and loved despite our struggles, we can handle more. That’s not touchy-feely nonsense. That’s survival strategy.
Work as a Team
Here’s something that probably hits close to home for a lot of people. In many families, the primary earner sees themselves as the one in charge. The person who has to fix everything. And that creates a problem.
If you’re “in control” and things aren’t going well, you’re carrying the full burden alone. Your family becomes part of that burden instead of part of the solution. And they get anxious because they can tell something is wrong but nobody is including them in the process.
The shift Donna Wood recommends is to treat your family like a team. Not in a corporate buzzword way. In a real way. Define roles together. Create a budget together. Meet regularly to discuss what’s working and what isn’t. Include the kids in age-appropriate ways.
People want to help. Even little kids. It’s a basic human need to contribute. When a family operates as a team, everyone has a role and everyone has a voice. Conflict goes down. Support goes up.
Be Honest About Money
This one is tough. Especially if you’ve always been the provider who never had to say “we can’t afford that.”
But kids figure it out anyway. They notice when things change. And when what they see doesn’t match what they’re told, it creates confusion and insecurity. Being honest about the financial situation, in a way that matches their age, actually makes them feel safer. Because the truth, even a hard truth, is less scary than the unknown.
Plus, you can’t build a realistic budget without everyone knowing the real numbers.
Redefine What “Normal” Looks Like
Maybe it was normal to take two vacations a year. Maybe private school was normal. Maybe three cars was normal. But that “normal” was built on a strong economy. It wasn’t permanent.
Donna Wood suggests letting go of the whole concept of “normal” tied to money. Instead, define your life by your values and beliefs. Those are actually stable. Money comes and goes. Cycles happen. A family that can only function well in good times is a family that puts enormous pressure on the earners to always perform.
The reframe she suggests is interesting: look at hardship as an opportunity. Cancel the vacation? Now you have time for low-key family stuff with less stress. Can’t hire a contractor? Build that shed with your kid. You’ll feel more pride in the result and closer to each other.
It’s not about pretending everything is fine. It’s about finding the genuine good in a bad situation.
Be Open to Change
Sometimes your best efforts just aren’t enough. And clinging to “the way things were” out of fear can make things worse. Maybe it’s time to shift within your profession. Maybe it’s time to change professions entirely. Could you relocate? Go back to school? Start a side business?
The point is to brainstorm with your family instead of grinding alone on a path that isn’t working. You might be surprised at what comes up. And even if the ideas don’t immediately solve everything, the process of planning together reduces the feeling of helplessness.
Take Care of Your Body
Stress increases cortisol. Cortisol messes with your weight, your sleep, your ability to think clearly. And it feeds anxiety and depression.
The antidote is pretty basic: eat decently and move your body. Even thirty minutes a day of walking or biking makes a real difference. Research shows that exercise combined with therapy can be more effective than medication for depression and anxiety.
And exercise is free. That matters when money is tight.
Know When to Get Help
Donna Wood lists some warning signs: sleeping too much or too little, feeling hopeless, repetitive negative thoughts, irritability, trouble focusing, drinking more, emotional outbursts, excessive worry, changes in appetite or self-care, and lethargy. If you’re experiencing these, it might be time to talk to a professional.
Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs) are usually free and confidential if your company offers them. Online therapy options exist too.
My Take
I really respect that Tony Wood included this chapter. Most books about real estate or finance act like the human side doesn’t exist. Like you can just read a chapter on loan modifications, apply the formula, and everything works out.
But real people going through financial crisis aren’t just dealing with spreadsheets. They’re dealing with shame, fear, relationship strain, and the very real risk of depression. Acknowledging that and offering practical guidance for it makes this book feel more complete and more honest than most.
The advice here isn’t just for real estate professionals. Anyone going through financial hardship can use these strategies. Talk to your people. Work as a team. Be honest. Take care of your body. And don’t be too proud to ask for help.
Next post: Series Final Thoughts